‫- PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD... ‫- IT'S YOU.
‫IT'S OVER, TAMARA.
‫- JAKE, NO.
‫- I'LL SEE YOU THEN.
‫- THAT GIRL'S ‫A STRAIGHT-UP CREEPER.
‫- I LEFT BECAUSE WHAT HAPPENED ‫TO YOU UP THERE
‫WAS KIND OF ROUGH.
‫- I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT ‫STANDARD DEVIATIONS
‫FOR THE LIFE OF ME, ‫BUT THERE WAS ONE FORMULA
‫I WAS FINALLY GETTING ‫THE HANG OF--
‫THE FORMULA FOR MOVING ON.
‫ONE SPECTACULAR SENIOR YEAR ‫WITH MY FRIENDS
‫PLUS ONE AMAZING NEW BOYFRIEND
‫MINUS ABSOLUTELY ZERO ‫LINGERING FEELINGS FOR MATTY
‫EQUALS ME READY TO START ‫A NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE.
‫- OKAY, BABE, ‫BREAK TIME'S OVER.
‫BACK TO THE RIVETING WORLD ‫OF STATISTICS.
‫SO FOR EACH NUMBER ‫IN THE FORMULA,
‫YOU SUBTRACT THE MEAN ‫AND DO WHAT?
‫- I HAVE NO IDEA. ‫WANT TO MAKE OUT?
‫- UH-HUH.
‫- HEY, KIDS, DO YOU WANT ‫SOME DESSER--
‫- JESUS!
‫SOMEONE NEEDS ‫A TUTORIAL ON KNOCKING.
‫- I AM SO SORRY, SWEETIE.
‫I'M JUST GONNA BE ‫A BAD PARENT
‫AND PRETEND I DIDN'T SEE ‫ANY OF THIS.
‫JUST PROMISE ME ‫YOU'LL BE CAREFUL,
‫BECAUSE IF YOU'VE LEARNED ‫ONE THING
‫FROM YOUR FATHER AND ME,
‫IT'S THAT IT ONLY TAKES ‫ONE THRUST
‫FOR SOMEONE TO BECOME ‫A TEEN MOM.
‫- THAT IS SO EMBARRASSING.
‫- [clears throat]
‫- NOW, WHERE WERE WE?
‫- UH, IT'S GETTING PRETTY LATE.
‫SHOULD WE JUST PICK THIS UP ‫NEXT TIME?
‫- GOOD IDEA.
‫NO MORE DISTRACTIONS.
‫- IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE ‫BEING YOUR MATH TUTOR.
‫I ACCEPT PAYMENT IN THE FORM ‫OF VISA, MASTERCARD,
‫OR, IN YOUR CASE, ‫A REALLY EXCELLENT KISS.
‫- MY FORMULA FOR MOVING ON ‫SEEMED TO BE WORKING OUT GREAT.
‫WHEN I KISSED LUKE,
‫ALL I SAW WAS MY PRESENT ‫AND MY FUTURE...
‫AND MATTY?
‫ON SECOND THOUGHT, MAYBE ‫I NEEDED TO GET MY EYES CHECKED.
‫[keys clacking, loud thud]
‫- HEY.
‫SORRY TO INTERRUPT. ‫- MATTY, RIGHT?
‫GREAT TO MEET YOU. ‫I'M LUKE.
‫- YEAH, I KNOW. ‫HEY.
‫- MATTY, WHAT ARE YOU ‫DOING HERE?
‫I THOUGHT YOU'D BE ON LOCKDOWN ‫AFTER THE MR. PHHS PAGEANT.
‫- YEAH, I'M GROUNDED FOR LIFE,
‫BUT WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO,
‫ADD ANOTHER DAY ‫FOR SNEAKING OUT?
‫ANYWAY, I'M HERE ON BUSINESS.
‫- OH, THE BF/GF/BFF CONCERT.
‫- BF/GF/BFF IS THE NAME ‫OF A BAND?
‫- NO, IT'S NOT. ‫IT'S A--
‫NEVER MIND.
‫I'M SORRY. ‫I FORGOT ABOUT THIS.
‫- SAME.
‫NO CLUE WHAT JAKE AND TAMARA ‫ARE DOING WITH THEIRS,
‫BUT I FIGURED ‫YOU COULD HAVE MINE AND--
‫I DON'T KNOW-- ‫TAKE LUKE IF YOU WANT.
‫- THANKS, MAN, BUT I HAVE ‫MIDTERMS THIS WEEKEND.
‫WHY DON'T YOU GUYS ‫JUST GO TOGETHER?
‫- SERIOUSLY? ‫YOU WOULDN'T MIND?
‫- NOT AT ALL.
‫YOU SHOULDN'T MISS A SHOW ‫YOU ALREADY PAID FOR.
‫- I AM DOWN IF YOU ARE.
‫- SURE. ‫WHY NOT?
‫IT WAS GREAT BEING WITH ‫A SECURE, MATURE COLLEGE GUY.
‫ONLY SOME HIGH SCHOOL SPAZ ‫WOULD MAKE
‫A BIG DEAL OUT OF A COUPLE ‫OF STUPID CONCERT TICKETS.
‫- THESE CONCERT TICKETS ‫ARE A BIG FREAKIN' DEAL, ROSATI!
‫YOU DON'T EVEN DESERVE ‫TO LOOK AT THEM!
‫- OH, OKAY, ‫I CAN'T LOOK AT THEM.
‫- NO, YOU CAN'T LOOK AT THEM.
‫- UGH. ‫- THIS FOOTAGE IS FANTASTIC.
‫- WHY ARE YOU GUYS FILMING THIS?
‫- WE'RE MAKING ‫A DOCUMENTARY CALLED
‫STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE BASIC.
‫YOU'D BE SO GREAT IN IT!
‫- OH, NO, NO.
‫GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
‫- WOULD ANYONE BE INTERESTED
‫IN EITHER JAKE ‫OR TAMARA'S TICKET TO ECHOSMITH?
‫THERE'S NO WAY ‫THEY'RE BOTH GOING.
‫- OH, PICK ME. ‫PICK ME, PLEASE.
‫OH, PLEASE, HAMILTACKY.
‫EVEN IF AUSTIN AND I ‫DIDN'T ALREADY HAVE TICKETS,
‫I'D NEVER BE DESPERADO ENOUGH
‫TO TAKE YOUR FRIENDS' ‫SLOPPY SECONDS.
‫- I BELIEVED YOU WHEN YOU SAID ‫YOU HAD THREE PET DINGOES
‫AND A VACATION HOME ‫IN THE OUTBACK!
‫DO YOU KNOW HOW HUMILIATING ‫THAT IS?
‫- OMG, DID YOU HEAR THAT? ‫- HEAR WHAT?
‫- THAT'S THE SOUND OF ME ‫NOT GIVING A FLYING [bleep].
‫all: OH.
‫- THANK GOD WE WERE NEVER ‫THAT BAD.
‫I'M SORRY YOU HAD ‫TO SEE LUKE AND I
‫MID-MAKE-OUT LAST NIGHT.
‫- WELL, JENNA, IT'S NOT LIKE ‫IT WAS THE FIRST TIME.
‫- OUCH. ‫TOTALLY TRUE, BUT OUCH.
‫- LUKE SEEMS LIKE ‫A GOOD GUY, THOUGH.
‫I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU.
‫[sighs]
‫IT IS HARD TO FIND A PERSON ‫OF QUALITY AROUND HERE.
‫TRUST ME.
‫- YOU KNOW, MAYBE ‫I'LL WRITE ANOTHER SONG
‫AND CALL IT MY CRAZY EX TALKS ‫LIKE A SPEED FREAK
‫NO JK, LOL.
‫- HOW ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT ‫WITHOUT YOUR PRECIOUS HARMONICA?
‫all: OH!
‫- AW.
‫I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG, ‫EXCEPT DATE A PSYCHOPATH
‫WHO CAN DO A CONVINCING ‫AUSTRALIAN ACCENT.
‫- WHEN YOU SPEAK, ‫I WANT TO DIE, JUST FYI.
‫- STOP IT! STOP IT! ‫YOU'VE BOTH BEEN ACTING CRAZY.
‫IT IS TIME THAT YOU LEARN ‫A THING OR TWO
‫FROM YOUR FRIENDS/MODEL EXES ‫JENNA AND MATTY.
‫THESE TWO HAVE MANAGED
‫TO MAINTAIN THE PEACE ‫EVEN AFTER JENNA
‫CRUELLY CHEATED ON HIM
‫AND FELL DOWN ‫A RABBIT HOLE OF SIN.
‫SMASH-CUT TO THE BRUTAL IRONY ‫OF THIS YEAR--
‫JENNA IS NOW DATING ‫A HOT COLLEGE STUD,
‫AND MATTY ‫IS STILL SINGLE AND ALONE.
‫- I'M--I'M FINE, ACTUALLY.
‫- SHH. ‫DON'T SPEAK.
‫WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY
‫IS THAT THESE TWO ‫HAVE A MILLION REASONS
‫WHY THEY SHOULD BE ‫PUTTING UP THEIR DUKES
‫IN THE QUAD, ‫BUT THEY ARE CHOOSING
‫TO BE MATURE.
‫- FINE. ‫YOU WANT MATURITY?
‫I'M GIVING UP MY TICKET. ‫HAVE FUN AT THE CONCERT.
‫- YAY! ‫THAT MEANS I WIN.
‫- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, STOP!
‫DO YOU GUYS, UH, KNOW ANYONE
‫WHO MIGHT WANT JAKE'S TICKET?
‫'CAUSE I THINK I KNOW A GIRL ‫WHO COULD REALLY USE
‫A NIGHT OF LOVE, LAUGHTER, ‫AND MUSIC.
‫TALKING ABOUT ME.
‫- VAL WAS RIGHT.
‫IT WASN'T FAIR THAT I WAS IN ‫A SOLID RELATIONSHIP WITH LUKE
‫WHILE MATTY ‫WAS GETTING HIT ON BY GIRLS
‫WHO DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ‫HOW TO SPELL "MONOGAMY."
‫HE DESERVED BETTER.
‫- NOW THAT MY EX ‫HAS EXED HIMSELF
‫OUT OF OUR PLANS, ‫WHO SHOULD WE INVITE?
‫- I'M COOL WITH WHOEVER.
‫I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
‫- THIS IS GONNA SOUND WEIRD,
‫BUT I KIND OF WISH MATTY HAD ‫A GIRL TO BRING TO THE CONCERT.
‫- HOLD THE IPHONE. ‫WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
‫- SEEING MATTY MOVE ON ‫LIKE I HAVE WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY.
‫- I CALL BLUFFNANIGANS, JENNA.
‫NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THEIR EX ‫DATE OTHER PEOPLE.
‫- I DO. I WANT MATTY TO DATE. ‫- REALLY?
‫WELL, IF YOU'RE SO SURE,
‫WHY DON'T YOU SET HIM UP ‫YOURSELF?
‫- MAYBE I WILL. ‫GOT ANY SUGGESTIONS?
‫- AS A MATTER OF FACT, ‫I DO.
‫EVA.
‫SHE'S SO DOWN-TO-EARTH ‫AND NONTHREATENING.
‫WHAT DO YOU THINK?
‫- SETTING UP MATTY
‫WITH ONE OF THE HOTTEST GIRLS ‫IN SCHOOL
‫WOULDN'T BE MY FIRST CHOICE...
‫OR SECOND OR 90TH.
‫- SEE? ‫I TOLD YOU, JENNA.
‫PUT A TBD ‫ON YOUR NBD ATTITUDE.
‫- YOU KNOW WHAT? ‫YOU'RE WRONG.
‫HEY, EVA.
‫- MOTHER "F," ‫I WASN'T SERIOUS.
‫- HEY, GIRLS. ‫YOU BOTH LOOK SUPER CHIC TODAY.
‫WHAT'S UP? ‫- I WAS WONDERING.
‫HOW DO YOU FEEL ‫ABOUT LIVE MUSIC?
‫- WOW! ‫WHAT A COOL CAR, TAMARA.
‫JUST REMIND ME TO PUT ‫A PAPER BAG OVER MY HEAD
‫WHEN WE ROLL UP ‫TO THE VENUE, OKAY?
‫- PRESS PAUSE ‫ON THE UNGRATE HATE, SADIE.
‫WOULD YOU RATHER BE DRIVING ‫YOUR WIENERMOBILE
‫TO THE CONCERT?
‫- YOU'RE SHOWING VISIBLE SIGNS ‫OF DISCOMFORT.
‫BACK MASSAGE COMMENCES NOW.
‫- NOW THAT I HAD ACCEPTED ‫TAMARA'S CHALLENGE
‫AND GOTTEN MATTY AND EVA ‫TOGETHER,
‫IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO DO ‫A LITTLE MASSAGING OF MY OWN.
‫I LOVE YOUR DRESS, EVA. ‫- OH, THANKS.
‫IT WAS A GIFT FROM ‫AN OLD FRIEND--ALEXANDER WANG.
‫- UGH. ‫- TOO STRONG?
‫- TOO DESPERATE.
‫- YOU KNOW, YOU TWO ‫LOOK REALLY GOOD TOGETHER.
‫- OH, YOU THINK?
‫- EXCUSE ME. OH, SORRY.
‫HEY, UH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
‫- I JUST WANT YOU TO HAVE ‫A GOOD TIME TONIGHT--
‫NO HIDDEN AGENDA.
‫- OKAY, WELL, ‫YOU'RE BEING WEIRD, BUT OKAY.
‫- PLAYING MATCHMAKER ‫WITH AN EX
‫PROVES YOU'VE GONE ‫FROM POINT "A" TO POINT CRAY.
‫- I'M NOT CRAZY.
‫MAYBE ONCE YOU FINALLY GET OVER ‫JAKE, YOU'LL UNDERSTAND.
‫- PLEASE. ‫I'M SO OVER JAKE.
‫- CAN WE GO?
‫- * WE WALK LIKE ‫THERE'S NOTHING WRONG *
‫*
‫- RUDE. GIVE IT BACK.
‫- CAN YOU NOT LOOK AT YOUR PHONE ‫WHILE DRIVING?
‫YOU ARE WAY TOO OBSESSED ‫WITH JAKE.
‫IT'S NOT HEALTHY.
‫- PLEASE TELL ME ‫SOMEONE HERE HAS ALCOHOL.
‫IF I HAVE TO SHARE ‫THIS GROSS OXYGEN POOL
‫WITH YOU LOSERS, ‫THE LEAST YOU COULD DO
‫IS GET ME DRUNK ‫SO I DON'T REMEMBER IT.
‫- I LEFT MY FLASK AT HOME,
‫BUT WE CAN GET DRINKS ‫WITH OUR FAKES AT THE SHOW.
‫- NO ONE HERE HAS A FAKE.
‫- [clears throat] ‫I DO.
‫- MATTY, THIS WON'T EVEN GET YOU ‫INTO AN R-RATED MOVIE.
‫IT'S OKAY; WE CAN STOP ‫BY THIS PLACE DOWNTOWN.
‫THEY DO FAKES ON THE QUICK.
‫I GOT MY FIRST I.D. THERE ‫WHEN I WAS, LIKE, 15.
‫- YOU TOLD US YOU WERE ‫AT BOARDING SCHOOL
‫IN SWITZERLAND ‫WHEN YOU WERE 15.
‫- LE ROSEY, YES, ‫AND I WAS DATING A DJ IN L.A.
‫THAT WOULD FLY ME OUT ‫ON THE WEEKENDS AND STUFF.
‫- FROM SWITZERLAND?
‫- A COUPLE OF XANNIES ‫ON THE PLANE,
‫AND THE DISTANCE FEELS ‫LIKE NOTHING.
‫- THE SHOW'S GONNA START SOON.
‫DO WE REALLY HAVE TO DO ‫ALL THIS WORK
‫FOR JUST A COUPLE DRINKS?
‫- OH, COME ON, JENNA.
‫WE ALL KNOW YOU ROLL ‫WITH THE OLDER CROWD NOW.
‫BUT US CHILDREN, WE STILL GOT ‫TO FEND FOR OURSELVES.
‫- OKAY, WHATEVER, I'LL TAKE US.
‫JUST PUT THE ADDRESS ‫IN MY GPS.
‫- * WE WALK, WE WALK, WE WALK ‫LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG *
‫* WE WALK LIKE ‫THERE'S NOTHING WRONG *
‫[siren wailing]
‫- EVA, YOU NEGLECTED ‫TO TELL US THIS PLACE
‫WAS ON THE CORNER ‫OF HEP C AND RAPE.
‫- OH, IT'S FINE. ‫WE CAN PARK HERE.
‫SERIOUSLY, I'VE PARKED HERE ‫ALL THE TIME.
‫IT'S NEVER BEEN A PROBLEM.
‫- EVA, YOU'VE BEEN EVERYWHERE,
‫AND YOU KNOW EVERYTHING.
‫WOULD YOU PLEASE CONSIDER ‫BEING MY LIFE COACH?
‫- SURE, I'M ALWAYS HAPPY ‫TO HELP THOSE IN NEED.
‫SADIE, CAN WE TALK FOR A SEC?
‫- UGH. ‫WHAT DO YOU WANT?
‫- I HAVE THIS GREAT PHOTO ‫OF YOU FOR YOUR I.D.
‫- NICE TRY, YOU SKETCHY SKITCH.
‫NOTHING HAPPENED THAT NIGHT, ‫AND YOU KNOW IT.
‫- I KNOW.
‫IT JUST KIND OF LOOKS ‫LIKE SOMETHING DID.
‫I WONDER WHAT AUSTIN ‫WOULD THINK.
‫- YOU WOULDN'T DARE.
‫- PROBABLY NOT.
‫BUT IF YOU'RE AT ALL WORRIED,
‫YOU MIGHT WANT TO THINK ABOUT ‫BEING WAY LESS BITCHY TO ME.
‫[rock music]
‫*
‫- YOU FOLKS LOST?
‫PINKBERRY'S DOWN THE STREET.
‫- HEY, BABE. ‫HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
‫WE'RE HERE FOR I.D.s.
‫- WHITE BREAD, PERMA-SCOWL, ‫YOU TWO,
‫IN THE BACK, NOW!
‫- YES, SIR.
‫- JENNA, JUST SO I'M CLEAR ‫ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON,
‫DID YOU INVITE ME TO THE CONCERT ‫TO SET ME UP WITH MATTY?
‫- NOT EXACTLY, ‫BUT IF YOU'RE INTO MATTY,
‫I WANT YOU TO KNOW ‫I'D BE TOTALLY COOL WITH IT.
‫- SERIOUSLY?
‫- YEAH, IT'S CLEAR ‫YOU GUYS HAVE CHEMISTRY,
‫AND I DON'T WANT TO GET ‫IN THE WAY OF THAT.
‫- I'M SO RELIEVED ‫YOU'RE NOT ONE OF THOSE GIRLS
‫THAT'S PSYCHO ABOUT HER EX.
‫YOU'RE AWESOME.
‫[camera shutter clicks]
‫- WHAT DO YOU WANT ‫YOUR NAME TO BE?
‫- AUSTIN WELCH. ‫- NO, AUSTIN.
‫YOU HAVE TO CREATE A FAKE NAME.
‫- BUT THAT WOULD BE LYING. ‫- DUH, THAT'S THE POINT.
‫- AUSTIN S. WELCH.
‫[camera shutter clicks]
‫[tattoo needle buzzing]
‫- THAT LOOKS SO PAINFUL.
‫- GETTING THEM REMOVED ‫HURTS MORE.
‫- REALLY? ‫- YEAH.
‫WHEN I GOT RID ‫OF ALL MY TATTOOS LAST YEAR,
‫I HAD TO DRINK STRAIGHT TEQUILA ‫TO GET THROUGH IT.
‫- WHY'D YOU GET RID OF THEM?
‫- THINGS CHANGE. ‫YOU NEED TO CLEANSE.
‫- SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING ‫I NEED TO DO WITH MY TATTOO.
‫- DOUBTFUL.
‫I BET IT'S SEXY. ‫SHOW ME.
‫- [sighs]
‫- OH, THAT'S AN EASY FIX.
‫"4 EVA," SEE?
‫- WELL, THAT WAS QUICK.
‫WITH JUST A TOUCH OF HER PALM,
‫EVA HAD FOUND A WAY ‫TO ERASE MY PAST WITH MATTY,
‫NOT THAT IT BOTHERED ME.
‫MATTY'S AND MY HISTORY ‫WAS EXACTLY THAT--HISTORY.
‫- YO, PROM KING AND QUEEN,
‫FRONT AND CENTER.
‫- HEY, DROP THE PHONE.
‫- JAKE JUST TWEETED ‫THAT HE'S IN A HOT TUB
‫MACKIN' ON SOME GROUPIES.
‫WTF?
‫I'M THE ONLY GIRL HE SHOULDN'T ‫BE GIVING ORGASMS TO.
‫[cell phone clicking]
‫STOP IT!
‫YOU'RE BEING A BUGABOO, JENNA. ‫I'M FINE.
‫- DO YOU THINK MATTY'S UPSET ‫WITH ME FOR SETTING HIM UP?
‫I MIGHT HAVE JUMPED THE GUN ‫ON THIS.
‫- FURIOUS. ‫HE MIGHT NEVER GET OVER IT.
‫- YOU GUYS, GUESS WHAT NAMES ‫WE CHOSE FOR OUR I.D.s.
‫WILLIAM AND KATE, ‫BECAUSE, DUH, WE'RE ROYALTY.
‫- WOW. ‫HOW ROMANTIC.
‫WHOA! ‫WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?
‫MY PLAN TO MAKE MATTY HAPPY ‫WAS WORKING.
‫SO WHY WAS I SUDDENLY ‫FEELING SO UNHAPPY?
‫IT'S NOT LIKE I STILL ‫HAD FEELINGS FOR HIM.
‫HOLY [bleep], ‫I STILL HAD FEELINGS FOR HIM.
‫- LET'S TEST THESE BABIES
‫AT THE LIQUOR STORE ‫DOWN THE STREET.
‫- WE'RE ALREADY LATE. ‫LET'S JUST GO.
‫- YOU KNOW WHAT?
‫I'D ACTUALLY LOVE TO GET ‫A BOTTLE OF THIS ROSE
‫THAT LUKE TURNED ME ON TO.
‫- EVA, WOULD YOU BE UP ‫FOR SOME CLASSY PBR?
‫- IT'S MY FAVORITE. ‫- UGH. FINE. GO.
‫BUT I'M STAYING HERE.
‫I WOULD HAVE TO LATHER MYSELF ‫IN PURELL
‫BEFORE STEPPING INTO ‫THAT ETCH-A-SKETCH PLACE.
‫[cell phone clicking]
‫- EXCUSE ME.
‫DO YOU HAVE THE TIME? ‫- EW!
‫DO YOU NOT OWN A CELL PHONE?
‫- I DO NOW.
‫- [gasps] ‫OH, NO, YOU DON'T!
‫THIS PHONE IS MY LIFELINE!
‫MY TEXTS, MY MUSIC, ‫MY CONTACTS, MY PHOTOS,
‫MY TWITTER, MY PINTEREST,
‫AND MY COMPREHENSIVE NOTES ‫DEDICATING MY FIVE-YEAR PLAN!
‫BACK OFF, BITCH!
‫- HEY, LET YOUR PHONE GO!
‫- THANKS.
‫- I HAD IT ‫UNDER CONTROL, JENNA.
‫- NO, YOU DIDN'T. ‫YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.
‫- ACTUALLY, SHE HAS MULTIPLES.
‫YOUR CAR IS BEING TOWED.
‫- STOP!
‫MY FRIEND SAID IT WAS OKAY ‫TO PARK HERE!
‫- I SAID IT'S USUALLY OKAY.
‫- PLEASE CAN I HAVE ‫MY CAR BACK?
‫- CONSIDER IT FOR $200.
‫- GUYS, ‫PUT ALL YOUR MONEY IN, NOW.
‫- THANKS. ‫- HEY! I THOUGHT YOU SAID--
‫- SAID I WOULD CONSIDER IT.
‫- WHAT?
‫[engine turning over]
‫GUESS WE'LL NEVER FORGET ‫THIS FIRST DATE.
‫- THAT MADE THE THREE OF US.
‫- JUST SO YOU KNOW, ‫I ONLY CAME BECAUSE OF MATTY.
‫- SORRY TO PULL YOU ‫OUT OF YOUR GROUPIE ORGY.
‫HOPE YOU DISINFECTED ‫BEFORE YOU CAME.
‫OR SHOULD I SAY AFTER?
‫- [clears throat]
‫- OH, AM I CRUSHING YOU? ‫- NAH, YOU FEEL GREAT.
‫- WOW, GLAD YOU TWO ‫ARE ENJOYING YOURSELVES
‫AFTER OUR FRIEND GOT MUGGED ‫AND WE LOST ALL OUR MONEY.
‫- IS THERE A PROBLEM, JENNA? ‫- I COULDN'T SAY.
‫IN MY QUEST TO MOVE ON ‫FROM MATTY,
‫I HAD ENDED UP ‫WHERE I STARTED--
‫A JEALOUS, INSECURE WRECK.
‫NO. NO PROBLEM AT ALL.
‫- LET'S GIVE EVA ‫A ROUND OF APPLAUSE
‫FOR ALL HER GENIUS IDEAS ‫THAT GOT US INTO THIS HELLHOLE.
‫- [clapping]
‫[cell phone chimes]
‫- OH, WHAT'S THAT? ‫- IT'S NOTHING.
‫KEEP CLAPPING.
‫- [clapping]
‫- YOUR THREATS ‫DON'T SCARE ME, EVA.
‫AUSTIN AND I DON'T HAVE ‫A TYPICAL RELATIONSHIP.
‫IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, ‫HE'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
‫I CAN BE HONEST WITH HIM ‫ABOUT ANYTHING,
‫SO YOUR LITTLE PLAN ‫TO BLACKMAIL ME
‫IS AS USELESS AS YOU ARE.
‫- IT'S GOING TO COST YOU $400 ‫TO GET IT OUT OF THE IMPOUND.
‫- JAKE, YOU PAY FOR IT.
‫CONSIDER IT MY SETTLEMENT ‫IN THE JAKARA BREAKUP.
‫- NO, I'M DONE.
‫I DON'T CARE ENOUGH ‫TO FIGHT YOU ANYMORE.
‫- T, CAN WE SIDEBAR?
‫YOU HAVE GOT TO STOP IT ‫WITH JAKE.
‫YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF. ‫- OH, PLEASE, JENNA.
‫EVER SINCE MATTY AND EVA ‫STARTED HITTING IT OFF,
‫YOU'VE BEEN GUZZLING DOWN ‫HATERADE.
‫AT LEAST I'M OWNING MY CRAZY ‫INSTEAD OF LEASING IT.
‫- [giggles]
‫- SO DO WE MAKE OUT NOW?
‫- NOT YET. ‫I NEED TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
‫- OH, I HAVEN'T SEEN THIS PHOTO ‫OF YOU BEFORE.
‫YOUR SKIN LOOKS BEAUTIFUL.
‫OH, AND THERE'S MATTY.
‫- IT WAS TAKEN ONE NIGHT AFTER ‫WE HAD FALLEN ASLEEP TOGETHER--
‫TOTALLY INNOCENT, ‫NOTHING HAPPENED.
‫- OKAY. GREAT.
‫YOU LOOK LIKE ‫YOU'RE GONNA PUKE.
‫- MATTY AND I KISSED, ‫OKAY?
‫AND IT MEANT NOTHING, ‫AND I PROMISE
‫IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
‫[sighs] ‫I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.
‫- I'M REALLY GLAD YOU TOLD ME.
‫- REALLY? I WAS NERVOUS.
‫BUT I KNEW YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND.
‫- OH, I UNDERSTAND.
‫YOU'RE A LIAR, ‫AND I NEED TO BREAK UP WITH YOU.
‫- WHAT? ‫AUSTIN, I DIDN'T LIE.
‫I'M TELLING YOU NOW.
‫- YOU LIED WHEN YOU SAID ‫YOU WOULD BE MONOGAMOUS,
‫AND YOU JUST LIED AGAIN ‫BY SAYING THAT YOU DIDN'T LIE.
‫- AUSTIN, YOU'RE GETTING THIS ‫TOTALLY TWISTED.
‫- WHEN SOMEONE LIES ‫ABOUT FIDELITY
‫IN A RELATIONSHIP, ‫THE PROBABILITY
‫THAT THEY'LL LIE AGAIN ‫GOES UP BY MORE THAN 80%.
‫- I'M NOT SOME STATISTIC.
‫I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND. ‫I JUST NEED TO--
‫- I'M SORRY, ‫BUT THIS IS ABOUT WHAT I NEED,
‫AND THAT'S 100% CERTAINTY ‫THAT YOU WON'T BETRAY MY TRUST.
‫- I CAN GIVE YOU THAT.
‫JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE ‫TO PROVE IT.
‫- BUT THAT'S ‫THE PROBLEM, SADIE.
‫YOU'VE ALREADY PROVEN TO ME ‫THAT YOU CAN'T.
‫- HALLELUJAH! ‫WE ARE FREE.
‫THEY ARE FINALLY RELEASING ‫MY CAR FROM CAPTIVITY.
‫- HOW?
‫- MY EXPERT ‫NEGOTIATION SKILLS, OBVI.
‫MY GRANDMOTHER LET ME CHARGE IT ‫TO HER CREDIT CARD.
‫- ARE YOU OKAY, SADIE?
‫WHERE'S AUSTIN?
‫- MATTY, CAN I TALK TO YOU ‫BEFORE WE GO?
‫- SURE.
‫- I'M SORRY ‫IF I WAS RUDE TONIGHT.
‫I THOUGHT I WOULD BE COOL WITH ‫SEEING YOU DATE OTHER PEOPLE,
‫BUT IT BOTHERED ME ‫MORE THAN I THOUGHT.
‫- I NOTICED.
‫- I PROMISE NOT TO INTERFERE ‫WITH YOU OR EVA.
‫YOU TWO HAVE MY BLESSING ‫TO BE TOGETHER.
‫- YOUR BLESSING? ‫ARE YOU SERIOUS?
‫DO YOU EVEN KNOW ‫HOW RIDICULOUS THAT SOUNDS?
‫SHOULD I HAVE GIVEN YOU ‫MY BLESSING
‫WHEN YOU CHEATED ON ME ‫WITH COLIN LAST YEAR
‫OR MAYBE WHEN YOU STARTED ‫TO DATE LUKE?
‫WE DON'T NEED ‫EACH OTHER'S BLESSINGS, JENNA.
‫WE'RE NOT TOGETHER.
‫HEY, LET'S GO.
‫EVA, YOU GONNA COME WITH?
‫- [mouths words]
‫- JENNA, ‫WE'RE GONE, BABY, GONE.
‫COME ON.
‫- HEY! ‫GET OUT OF MY CAR, MAN!
‫JESUS!
‫YOU TOO!
‫- CLOSE CALL, BOYS.
‫- BUMMER.
‫WE DIDN'T EVEN GET ‫TO SEE ECHOSMITH PLAY.
‫- AT LEAST WE GOT ‫SOME FAKE I.D.s OUT OF IT.
‫- OH, YOU GUYS GOT FAKES? ‫LET ME SEE.
‫- I'LL SHOW YOU MINE ‫IF YOU SHOW ME YOURS.
‫"JOHN SMITH"?
‫JAKE, THIS IS SO LAME.
‫- OH, WHATEVER, WILLIAM, KATE. ‫- WHATEVER.
‫IT'S CUTE. WE'RE CUTE. ‫- YEAH.
‫- WHAT DO YOU SAY ‫WE CALL JAKE A CAR
‫AND THEN YOU AND I ‫CAN GET OUT OF HERE?
‫- I LOVE THAT IDEA. ‫- GREAT.
‫JAKE, WE'RE CALLING YOU ‫AN UBER.
‫YOU'RE TOO DRUNK TO DRIVE.
‫- YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. ‫- YES, I DO.
‫UGH, IT SMELLS LIKE TWEAKERS ‫IN HERE.
‫ONE SEC. ‫- YEAH.
‫- I THOUGHT EVA WAS TOO GOOD ‫FOR HIGH SCHOOL GUYS.
‫- LOOKS LIKE SHE MADE ‫AN EXCEPTION THERE, JAKEY.
‫[siren wails]
‫- [bleep], ‫HIDE THE BOOZE, MAN.
‫[indistinct chatter ‫over police radio]
‫- YOU TWO BEEN DRINKING TONIGHT?
‫- WELL, YES, SIR, WE HAVE, ‫BUT OUR FRIEND
‫WENT TO GO CALL US A CAR, SO...
‫- YEAH, WE DIDN'T START ‫DRINKING
‫UNTIL WE GOT TO THE CONCERT,
‫WHICH WE DIDN'T EVEN ‫END UP SEEING.
‫- HEY, I'M NOT ASKING ‫FOR YOUR LIFE STORY HERE.
‫- THAT'S GREAT,
‫BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ‫A LIFE STORY TO TELL YOU.
‫- SHOW ME YOUR I.D.s.
‫YOU LITTLE CANDY-ASSES ‫GETTING A THRILL
‫BY BEING IN THIS PART OF TOWN?
‫- YEAH, YOU DON'T KNOW ‫ANYTHING ABOUT US,
‫SO WHY ARE YOU BEING ‫SUCH A DICK?
‫- SHUT UP, DUDE.
‫- THAT'S IT. ‫OUT OF THE CAR RIGHT NOW.
‫RIGHT NOW. COME ON. ‫- WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.
‫- THOSE OPEN CONTAINERS ‫JUST JUMP IN YOUR CAR
‫WHEN YOU WEREN'T LOOKING?
‫- HOW'D YOU GUESS, HUH?
‫- GET! ‫- MATTY!
‫[cell phone chimes]
‫- SOMETIMES IT FELT LIKE ‫I WAS STUCK
‫IN AN EMOTIONAL PRISON
‫WAITING TO BE SET FREE ‫FROM MY FEELINGS FOR MATTY,
‫AND NOW THAT I HAD LUKE, ‫THE HANDCUFFS WERE COMING OFF.
‫- GETS EVEN BETTER.
‫PRECINCT LOCKUP ‫IS ALL FULL.
‫YOU BOYS GET TO SPEND ‫THE NIGHT IN COUNTY.
‫- [sighs]
‫- NEXT ON AWKWARD...
‫WE CAN STILL MAKE IT ‫TO SCU BY MIDNIGHT
‫AND SPEND OUR NIGHT ‫WITH REAL MEN.
‫- EVERY ONE OF THEM ‫IS LIKE A LIVING,
‫BREATHING J. CREW CATALOG, ‫ONLY HOTTER.
‫HEY THERE. ‫- [belches]
‫- SURPRISE!
‫- DON'T WE GET ONE PHONE CALL?
‫- I'D RATHER DIE IN PRISON ‫THAN CALL JENNA RIGHT NOW.
‫- GONNA GIVE YOU ‫HIS BROTHER'S NUMBER.
‫HE'LL KNOW EXACTLY ‫HOW TO HANDLE THIS SITUATION.
‫- I WENT TO JENNA. ‫SHE SAID SHE COULDN'T HELP.